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Thursday, November 29, 2012

Sports psych and Food addiction



Before starting this post take into account that this information is coming from studies of credible science based information and been reviewed w/ a renowned sports psychologist and behavioral therapist. 

It's widely agreed upon that 90% of any game is mental, which means 10% is technical. 

So why then do we spend more than 90% of our time on technique and less than 10% on the mental side? 

This is the newest video I did w/ the news and goes through some of what I notice in the relationship between mental health and progress in sports and workouts. 
















Much like suns damage to skin, it's already done. We learned as children and have a lot of reps over the years. Reacting (small/large) to our experiences w/ anger, anxiety, shutting down, running away, giving up, etc. These reactions are based on fear, and it's not about getting rid of the fear. We ALL have to have it, fight or flight is built on fear and w/o this portion of our reptilian brain we wouldn't survive. 



Extreme example, but we're all reacting in much more mild ways (could be a small habit we don't know about) throughout our day, the idea is to recognize when and then refocus.

We need fear, it's presence is NOT the issue. The issue is how we manage it. Acknowledging it, learning about ourselves, recognizing it, and refocusing for continual improvement. We all have and need this, no one is exempt, and the best are the people that acknowledge and learn to manage it.

It's also very real. Most of the time this stuff sounds like hocus pocus bullshit, but it's deeply rooted in our psychology and our biology. There is a mind body connection that we CAN MEASURE. This is the science behind Omegawave. Cortisol and adrenaline in blood, heart rate variability, grip strength, vertical jump, are all measurable and directly related to the biology - psychology connection. The body doesn't differentiate between stress: a fight w/ a friend, hard day at work, football game or a broken bone, stress is stress. 

It's hard work that takes time, as well as a coach (we're too good at tricking ourselves or suppressing it to figure it out on our own). Much like a baseball pitcher changing throwing mechanics. It takes 1,000 good reps before a change in technique is made permanent w/o thinking about it, and that's w/ a coach there delivering feedback. The pitcher can't watch his arm action and throw the ball at the same time, his mechanics would never change, and he probably wouldn't know there's anything to improve. 

It's recognizing when we feel these reactions, then accumulating good reps. No one is perfect, we all stumble, but we have to learn from each time. 

So when you subconsciously grab that handful of candy/comfort food, and eat it only to realize what you've done 5min after or don't know why you want it so badly, don't label it failure, learn from it and move fwd. Talk about it w/ your coach. Get deep w/ a behavioral therapist about what's really going on up stairs. S/he is the coach giving feedback on the arm action during the pitches. Your behaviors are the pitches and your mind is the arm action, and it could be clear down to foot placement. But you can't see it, and you never will on your own. 



A few sports psych things to think about: 


Anger is an aggressive display to push others away from seeing our fear. As kids we're taught that being afraid is weak and shameful. From the logic side of the bystander, we show anger to create distance so others wont see that we're afraid. Afraid to be afraid b/c fear is weak. This is unreasonable. 

Could be fear of failure, who knows, but that athlete has no idea why they're mad let alone that they're scared. Think of that the next time you see a football player throw his helmet (he didn't perform good enough, fear of failure). We'll never play up to our best potential when we're angry. Too much internal focus, can't think. We can feel or we can think, not at the same time. It's about management and learning through repetitions, the sooner we can start recognizing this and performing GOOD reps the better. 


Anxiety can be seen two ways. It's a call to action, to make a decision, to be courageous (do the right thing even if it's not the feel good thing). Or a fear that we wont be good enough. Wont perform well enough, aren't big enough, strong enough, smart enough, fast enough, successful enough, etc. This is where perfectionists, workaholics, and cortisol addicts live. 

Why get nervous before a wrestling match? It's an opportunity to showcase all the hard work. It should be exciting, amped up, ready to go. Instead we get nervous and scared of not being good enough to win so athletes compensate that w/ anger to hype up that way. Now there's some fake courage to take into the match, not enough external focus, and too much internal focus, so can't think. Athlete's should be excited, not scared. Excited is when they'll perform their best and that's when they'll have the best experience. 


The passive athlete is so scared to do their best that they wont even take the bat off their shoulder. It's a depressive's attitude. Hoping for the world/others to satisfy them. In this case that'd be a walk from the pitcher and/or umpire. Trouble is the only other outcome is to strike out. Home run, hit, walk, or an out. 3/4 is a lot better than 1/2. Especially when the 1 (a walk) isn't all that great. No risk, no investment, no reward. 

The outcome of a competition is dependent on if the best an athlete can do that day is better than their opponents best that day. It's not a cop out. Any day this can go both ways. The whole "control" thing is an illusion, the more fear we have, the more we attempt to control. It's not about controlling anything, it's about performing up to a personal best that day. Could have the flu, could have something happen in your family, could've failed a test, official could make a bad call, doesn't matter. We want the best possible performance in that competition that day, and that's enough, and that's where we get to enjoy our experience. It's not a cop out, it's the best you can possibly do. 

It's all about managing these fears, and through that we can start learning from our repetitions. 

Then we're enjoying playing and working out more, doing so for the right reasons, and making more progress than we thought we could all b/c we can be aware and recognize our fears and then better learn to manage them for not only progress in sports, but also in life. There's a lot of carry over that we learn from sports. 

We'd be better athletes that have a better experience. We'd be better coaches and better parents. Stand up w/ better posture, more progress from workouts, live more fulfilling lives, we'd be enough for ourselves. Not content, but our best would be enough.  

If we started this well before 12yrs old, we'd change the world. 





-This blog is written w/ the help of Morrie Adams a renowned sports psych and behavioral therapist. 





Wednesday, October 3, 2012

5 Pieces to Honing the Abnormal Great Life

Possibly my most important post ever

To speak in third person for a moment, there's a side most people don't know about Adam Rees. He’s a pretty normal guy, but crazy when a problem presents itself, whenever/however that may happen (sometimes we don't realize problems until we get roundhouse kicked in the face), going into almost complete immersion, for h/e long and with w/e intensity it takes.  

It’s an abnormal extreme but it's mine. Books, digital products, articles, etc. I do every activity and give each overwhelming thought and application. This could be 4books or 20; I could study/perform assignments/participate in activities for hours a day for weeks and/or months at a time if necessary. See? Crrrrazy.

What does this mean for you? It leads to you getting the best stuff I've found. Today's topic is Psych/mindset. Everything here is your choice, and none of it is absolute, but it is all great stuff.


Grab a paper and pen
First participate in this activity. You'll eventually be glad you did. Do each part as you go, do NOT read ahead, and it will be clear at the end. 
  • Take out a piece of paper
  • On the left side write down some of the people and things that annoy you or get under your skin. 
  • On the right side write down some of the people you admire and what it is about them that you admire.
If you haven't actually written this down, Do. 
  • The left side of the paper is a mirror of yourself and your looking at things you find you don't like in you, things that probably need help. 
  • The right side of the paper is showing the things that you are not allowing to show through in your self, and that you should. 
Realities can be hard to accept. Mine was fairly upsetting and hard to believe, but it was true. 



Personality Tests

The orange, blue, green, gold test is interesting but this is different. Fair warning, it is written as if it's for romantic relationships, lots of psych stuff is geared that way. It can be a turn off but I'm sure it helps them w/ sales, look past the marketing and read for your own reasons.

www.KWML.com (take the free test)

So, embrace who you are, but reach toward the other quadrants. I'm ridiculously on the warrior end of the continuum. So I need to love, laugh and let people help me more often. 




MindOS (use the coupon code “REES” for a $20 discount)

This is an incredible system for getting your thoughts straight and allowing growth, and actually where I was exposed to the KWML test. It is a MUST BUY RIGHT NOW, no questions asked. 
  


This goes into turning anger and anxiety into self esteem and well being, amongst just about everything else on your mind, in order to live a better and more clear life. From being busy just to be busy and dealing w/ negative emotions/thoughts, to building confidence, self esteem and even courage, of which is interestingly a very big player in the mental game.

It is a MUST BUY RIGHT NOW. This is NOT something you ask yourself if you can afford, it's can you afford not to. It is a game changer. Take1hr, 30min, h/e much time each am/pm and apply it. 

Dr. Paul is an actual psych doctor, not just a self help guru and his stuff is geared towards relationships, but he’s not going into “skills”, he’s going into your inner psychology and teaching you to help yourself. It really is something that everyone should go through. 

I’ve actually spoken w/ Dr. Paul and by using the coupon code “REES” (all caps, no quotations) you’ll get a $20 discount on any product:



Dr. Paul’s suggestions are at the end.



A friend sent me this video. After completing the MindOS system you'll understand how important it really is. 
Start journalling every day. I keep a notebook beside my bed that's written in every night. You'll be amazed how much you learn about yourself while writing and day to day. 



Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton

I've read plenty of sports psych and a few general psych books but none that flipped my brain as much as this one. I wouldn't call it a must read, but suggested. 


It's probably the weirdest book you'll ever read, but very interesting. The author is a cellular biologist at Stanford. 

This book will shake you and you want to be shook.



The Presence Process by Michael Brown

Being "present" may be one of the most important pieces of life we can attain. The past has already happened, and the future is just an idea. We're constantly in the present, but physical and mental presence is different and the idea that you have control of or are able to handle that present is sadly a lie for almost all of us. We’re not able to "think" our way to a present state, thinking quite literally negates the ability to be present. 

Imagine sitting on a rock along side the Rio Grande in Colorado during the middle of August at dawn (dry, comfortable, mildly cold, gorgeous, peaceful). In that moment nature’s beauty is all around you. "Thinking" into this moment and your mind will race, it wants what's next and will not experience the moment. Being present in that moment is entirely different. Have presence and you can sit, appreciate, and enjoy what is happening all around you. No need to speak or entertain yourself, just breathe, listen, watch and experience what is happening. This can be applied to relationships w/ kids/significant other/friends, work, recreation, happy and sad moments and even disagreements/arguments.

Some words that come to mind here are: worry, anxiety, anger, sadness, shame. Some of us live in these. There are better ways. 

Idk what Presence could do in your life, but I can tell you that anything can improve, and growth is always a good thing. To grow is to live, w/o growth we're psychologically dead even if our physical body is alive. 

That's why I suggest this book, even though I haven't yet finished it. 

The Presence Process

It is a 10 week process of 15 minute practices/meditation 2x/day. Supposedly most people don't make it through due to the emotional pain that has been repressed for years, often times even forgotten, but resurfaces through the process in order to deal w/ it and heal as a mature adult. It seems most of these pains happened when we were children and we didn't know how to deal w/ them so we suppressed them in order to be a good little boy/girl for mom, dad and/or whoever else. Through this process we find growth in being "in the moment' or "present" (some call this mindfulness) and it's apparently led to amazing discoveries and better lives and relationships for many "normal" people w/ "normal" problems in "normal" life (quotations are there for a reason). 



Everyone can carve 15 minutes into their morning and afternoon/evening. Just like anything else, it's not about FINDING the time, it's about MAKING the time. 
Click here: The Presence Process



As an Individual

Reading books and educating yourself goes a long way, but actually getting a non biased look from a professional at you as a specific individual is something all of us can take benefit.

We all have "our truths", the things we believe about ourselves. These "truths" could be good/bad/correct/incorrect but we believe them regardless. As an individual a book cannot point out your particular truths, or direct you to challenge the areas that may lead to the way of best improvement. Talking to a professional can, especially when combined w/ the other materials. 

In Iowa City I refer these two professionals:
  • Morrie Adams (319)351-6654
       320 Kirkwood Ave, #1, Iowa City, IA 52240

  • Ann Kramer (319)755-0174

I realize the stigma of going to a therapist (that you’re actually crazy), the comfort zone in "knowing" yourself, and the pride in "DIY", which are all understandable but absurd. 

There's no way you can grow and develop as far as you'd like, in the amount of time you'd like w/o help. It's actually not likely that it'll ever happen on your own. Choosing to delay this for yourself is choosing to say NO to you, and in that decision, everyone loses: career, friends, family, significant others, and most of all you. In my mind every decision should be or at least seek to be win-win. Saying no to you is lose-lose, which should be strictly avoided. 

If having the humility to let someone help you could lead to further owning your true self and lead to a happier more successful life (work and relationships especially), it's an easy answer, do it, even if you feel like there's nothing wrong.


Conclusion
None of this is saying it'll be easy. But just like anything else, nothing worth having comes easy, and the journey is always more than worth it. 

Don't passively wait, hoping for life to teach you to be a person of high character. This would be naively optimistic. A positive realist takes the responsibility to live, learn, and evolve to be better, starting now. H/e when the student is ready the means/teacher appears. I'm not the teacher, but maybe this is the day. 

I'm not asking you to understand or agree w/ me, I'm asking you to trust me. There's no need to wait for life to knock you down, if you even get that lucky. Take the leap. It's courageous to take the leap, perform courage. 

***www.KWML.com (take the test)

***MindOS (Use the coupon code REES at checkout for a $20 discount)
            -WOMEN MindOS
            -MEN MindOS



There's a quote from one of my favorite movies that we'll end w/. It puts some heavy lessons in a small package.


"Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you: as Albert Mondego, the man." -The Count of Monte Cristo



Dr. Paul's Additional Suggestions:


WOMEN:

***Complete Feminine Empowerment

***Seventh Sense



MEN:

***Mature Masculine Power

***Omega Male

***MindOS

REMEMBER THE COUPON CODE *REES* FOR A $20 DISCOUNT

They’re marketed and copywritten as romantic relationship advice which is kind of funny b/c these are NOT about “relationship/dating skills”, it’s much deeper than that, down in the roots of our thoughts and beliefs (limiting/constructive). Any of these will lead to incredible growth and improvement. In much more than just a romantic relationship, that’s more of a positive by product that comes from being a person of or seeking to be of high character.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Poetry, Local Events, and My Youtube Channel‏

GRIT GYM has a youtube channel that you can find here.

http://www.youtube.com/user/arees48?feature=guide
Click subscribe and you'll get an email when a new video is posted.

Leaving comments is encouraged. I enjoy feedback and from what I hear, others watching do as well.



Locally, there are a few events in the near future.

The Culinary Ride is this upcoming Sunday, which will be a great time and looks like the weather is going to be better than last year.
http://culinaryride.com/ 


The North Liberty Fun Run is also this Sunday. Both links are for the same event.
http://northlibertyiowa.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Fun-Run-08-14-12.pdf

http://iowacityiacoc.weblinkconnect.com/External/WCPages/WCEvents/EventDetail.aspx?EventID=2472 


Run for the Schools is Oct 14th.
http://www.runfortheschools.com/


And the Harvest Dinner is Sept 23rd, which supports the Johnson County Food Alliance or now Field to Family. I highly encourage going, it was a great event last year.
http://www.fieldtofamily.org/


Lastly, this is a poem that has been randomly running into me lately. You'll all know it, but it's worth the read.



Oh, the places you'll go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day,
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, 'I don't choose to go there.'
With your head full of brains, and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sites!
You'll join the high fliers!
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to says so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lunch
wuth an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're dark.
A place that could sprain both elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you should go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quaters? Or maybe not quite?
Or go around and back and sneak from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long and wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most usless place

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where boom bands are playing.

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not.
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, theres a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the whether be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though you arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike.
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many stray birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with you left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent garanteed!)

KID YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Alenn O'Shea
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So... get on your way!


-DR. Seuss


Today is a great day. 

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

4 Pieces of Fluflu BALANCE BS That are REAL


Today's post is on BALANCE, as you'll see below. I encourage watching to the end as it takes me awhile to articulate my point.

Best part of all this is that I now go to the toilet WITHOUT my computer/phone (I know and knew how weird that is and was), actually take real showers regularly, do my dishes when I'm done eating, fold my clothes when they're dry, and I'm almost always asleep at a good hour as well as make my bed everyday...Weird. It's the little things in life. Yet I still have time for work.

It may be possible that most people would probably realize how far they'd let life slip when their house, body and mind started to wear the way mine was, trying to carry the world instead of sharing it w/ others. But that's the point of this post, awareness, at least hopefully.



An extra interesting point is that even in college I was almost always in bed well before midnight, always folded my clothes right away, took real showers, dishes weren't really an issue in the cafeteria. How's it get so far so easy. One tiny little slip at a time. H/e one tiny little improvement at a time adds to big things as well.



Some of the other benefits that I was missing include truly listening to and enjoying music, enjoying cooking and really good food, and creating things like this again.

It is interesting what we can learn from strength and conditioning that it can be more than just lifting weights and running a faster 40 time.

Let me know what you think in the comments below.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

9yr Old Superstar Beats His Dad, Every time, Still loves His Mom

Observations from a coach, to parents. No, I don't have kids. 

This post is a reply to the feedback I received for this post (click here)



The truth is that kids don't need "training", they need someone to play around w/. In this case, I don't have time set aside for Jacob at the gym. It's not a workout, it's a playground to him, and he comes in whenever HE WANTS. We're literally just having fun. 8 years from now this will change but for right now, everything is playing around.

An interesting take away is that neither of his parents were there. Just his older sister Kate, Aunt Maggie, Grandma Janet and his uncle Adam. We (my sister, mom, and I) get to be part time playmate, part time "encouragers", or part time coaches in my case.

Idk if parents always take into consideration HOW they support their children. I don't have kids, and I'm sure things will change if I ever do, h/e I see plenty that come to the gym and what I see is that it's much more "monkey see, monkey do" than anything else. Sadly, this is NOT altogether always good either.



Note who she calls out after 45seconds.

This little girl is the daughter of Coach Martin Rooney who said, "Rule: One way to stand out is to be kind, fair and hard working in a world that often isn't."

Kids need a playmate, not a boss

Parents should be actively participating in their child/ren's lives. Kids don't need a coach at home (over encouraging/bearing parent) or a dead beat that leaves everything to time w/ their coach (parent that doesn't play catch, ask about their experience at the gym/practice/competition, or live any type of active/healthy lifestyle themselves). I see a mixture of both of these on a regular basis.

It's fairly common for parents to drive their kids to the gym and  SIT IN THE CAR while they're kid/s workout. This is of incredible interest to me (although I'd rather have them sit there than 'sit' inside). It makes me wonder what happens at home. 


Why would a kid ever:
    • get off the couch and go outside
    • perform hard work in a focused fashion
    • be honest w/ him/herself
    • or eat a vegetable 
If their parents are overweight, can't walk/run up a flight of stairs (race their kids), don't play basketball/catch/walk in nature (especially w/ their kids) and eat pizza or pasta 5x/wk (of which I do NOT mean 5days/wk, I definitely mean 5 times in one week)?


These are sincere questions

Kids are looking more and more like adults for a reason, and it's not their fault. It's ours. 


But then we give them a trophy for "participating". I don't really understand the sense of accomplishment there.

We're expecting kids to learn from this kind of behavior and we wonder what the problem is. It's US!! It is the ADULTS they are surrounded by.

Kids are learning from us!!!

It's NOT the Food Ind. It's the person in the mirror. We buy the food, we drive the market, and if you are a parent you teach your kids w/ every thing you do. GOOD/BAD. They'll make it their own but you deliver the message.


  1. Buy more good food, means more of that food on the shelves, more in their mouths
  2. Buy more junk, and more junk will be on the shelves
  3. Lie to kids, husband/wife, teachers or whoever else, and kid's surrounded by this will lie too. They learn
On the other hand
  1. Treat people w/ respect (kids, husband/wife, teachers, friends) so will kids, and vice versa
  2. Become an active participant in your kids sports/school/life by being an overly FUN person and they'll probably enjoy sports and school as well as have a happier, better outlook on life and a good relationship w/ activity
My experience keeps my mouth shut
I remember a very specific instance when my dad yelled at a referee during one of my older sister's basketball games (in his defense so did the rest of the crowd, repeatedly). To this day I remember how utterly stupid everyone looked, including him, and I was probably 8yrs old. Now I barely say a word when watching games. Any game, ever. In fact the only people I want to scream at are the ones in the stands.  

I got lucky and took the lesson in a good way. I could've taken it that this type of behavior was acceptable, of which it is NOT in ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, you are not on the field, mat, or court and anything you say makes you the bad guy to that official, meaning less calls go your teams way, your kid thinks it's acceptable to bully the official, and your kid has a worse experience in that sport. Simple and easy for me to say, but love your kid and realize it's about his/her experience not about a win/loss. Yes everyone wants to win, that comes later.

My experience also keeps me.....a big kid, pretty much

I'm not trying to fool anyone. We're all 11yr olds pretending to be "adults", and what I remember of my parents as a very young kid when it came to sports was a very interesting mix of play and lessons. About like it probably should be. 

So, when situations arise, I personally decide to be the biggest kid involved. Lead by example and let myself revert back to the days when running around and spontaneous play were the norm. It's a conscious decision but not one that's easily done, takes some time to let yourself be that free. By this I don't mean that I'm out there acting like a complete idiot, but I'm running around, kicking and/or throwing balls w/ them, suggesting ideas, etc. Basically leading them into involving themselves and having fun by playing.

This is what i would encourage from parents. 

Let coaches coach. When it's time to go home let the kid talk, express themselves and ask questions, a parent's opinion does NOT matter. For instance, say, "How did tonight go, what do you think, did you have fun?". Especially when they are below 12yrs of age.
  1. DISMISS MISTAKES!! Kids already know when they screw up w/o the acknowledgment of a parent. Esp during competition, it's embarrassing enough w/o a parent that they are trying to please making it known that the parent does not approve. If it's brought up by the kid, ask what they could've done differently and go w/ it, but AVOID CRITICISM AT ALL COSTS. Simple to say, difficult to accomplish, but try. 
  2. Be an active participant. PLAY w/ kids as if you were a kid. Energetic, creative, random, and w/o rules (guidelines-yes, rules-no). 
  3. Live by example: Be active, eat w/ purpose, live w/ integrity, strive for excellence in everything you do. Kids pick up on this, and take it as though that is what THEY are expected to do.  
  4. Learn as much as you can about yourself. Inner game work seems fluffy and dumb but we send and receive messages w/o need for acknowledgement. Evolution has programed our minds to work extremely well and taking care of insecurities, opening our minds, destressing, etc all lead to a happier, more confident life that will show up in children of parents that take steps to own their self .
Encouraging Psychology
To encourage looking towards your own psych in parenting and/or coaching I'm posting this as an example 













Most people end up dating some form of their parent. I date a version of my mom EVERY SINGLE TIME. I'm not a mama's boy either. If parents want their kid to date and end up w/ someone great, then parents need to show their spouse the kind of love they want their daughter or son to give or receive someday. 

Elliot Hulse talks about this, yeah he's weird. But "weird" is also just a difference from your "norms", want great kids, gotta look past what the normal parent does, just like anything else. 



Now, I'm not married, am far from perfect and have a string of bad relationships, meaning I need and continue to work on my inner self as well. 

My dad liked to do nice things for my mom, was abysmal when it came to accepting gifts but loves giving them and is generally not an observant person but terribly proud to be w/ her (as he should be, very seriously overshot his coverage). 

My mom has a temper, is headstrong much like me and loves to help people. 

Is it any wonder that I tend to fall for the tough, hard working, headstrong, and compassionate woman w/ a temper and deep vulnerability? Or that I am extremely observant, end up often making dinner or doing other little things that she'll never notice? No, b/c that's what my dad did or didn't do and how I learned to show love (even if I didn't realize it) and that's what my mom is, so that's what love seems like to me. 



Here's Elliot again to help reiterate my point in how important this really is to work on YOUR SELF. 



Get into your psychology
Books to buy and read include: 

Season of Life -Jeffrey Marx
I cannot speak of this book highly enough. It is a MUST READ for every parent and child entering the teenage years. Read and reread. MUST READ Season of Life -Jeffrey Marx!!

Blink -Malcolm Gladwell


The Inner Game of Tennis -Tim Gallwey


How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People By Public Speaking


How To Win Friends and Influence People


Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition


Season of Life -Jeffrey Marx
It's on here 2x's to reiterate the importance of reading this book. 


My Parents 
I was lucky that I had two parents that expected a high level of performance in everything we did, and they expect this from themselves as well. My mom is a juggernaut (get out of her way when shits gotta get done, immediately) and my dad is a thinker (everything must be perfect and if it's not, he's gonna do it himself, and it'll take forever). Between two extremes something panned out, hopefully.  


My Sports
My best sports happen to be ones that they could NOT relate to. You may wonder why, and it's probably b/c my parents couldn't give me advice, sympathize or even enjoy watching me participate/compete (at least at first, I really wasn't good at all). These sports were all mine, and what I did in that sport was of my doing. I'm a ridiculous maverick that has huge issues w/ authority w/ a very headstrong approach (definitely to a fault) and hold myself to a ridiculous expectations (to a fault). 

I still think basketball is a pathetic sport that teaches bad movement patterns and lazy habits. Golf is recreation (even if it is great recreation, it's still and adult sport). Baseball is best w/ a positive supporting cast (but it's an incredible game). Track is only fun if you win. 

But the lessons in football and wrestling cannot be matched. These two sports, and I'd have to say ESPECIALLY WRESTLING are the tops for character building and life lessons. 

In the end it's all about the small stuff


"The journey is better than the inn" Cervantes


Conclusion

Give kids what they are ready for, and until at least 10-12yrs, it's almost exclusively fun. The other lessons come w/ time. Until then it is our responsibility to own our inner strength and become the best possible parent, coach, uncle, or person that we can possibly be.